UNMISSION STATEMENT @ CONDUITRY.ME

"I" created the identity "Conduitry" for future online interactions in December 2015, because I thought it would help me develop into who I wanted to be. Now, in May 2019, I am thinking it did not help. It probably hurt. An open question is whether I'm too invested in it now, in the things it supposedly means.

The most obvious thing that Conduitry would embrace that I would have been previously somewhat hesitant to is being a furry. I have no idea anymore what being a furry means though. On the back of physical attraction towards the unhuman, I had built a lot of expectations. I thought there was a lifestyle there for me, an ideology I could embrace. There isn't. I'm developed/damaged enough to let myself be horny for things that will never exist. That's all this means.

About all I can say with some certainty about being "Conduitry" is the same thing that anyone with a stage name can say: It is more glamorous and less forgettable than my real name. I still think the concept of being a conduit and not a source is important, but that's it. There's no Cool Hip Online identity to cultivate. I've grown to hate the things I seek, and I've grown to be hated by the people I once sought. All around me, I see aggressive selective acceptance being used as a weapon. I won't participate in this.

I don't know who should be running the world. Probably not me. Probably not those who reach down from above. But also probably not those who reach up from what they perceive as below. Does it make sense to let people who have been damaged control the world and what can be thought? Hurt people have an agenda almost as selfish as those who hurt them. Everyone needs to stop screaming so much.

It matters a lot more to me that there be people who are able to produce uplifting art and scientific achievements than it would if no one were starving. Or if everyone could do algebra. Or whatever the new insane goal is. There's just this sense in the air that everyone is important. They're not. They're simply not. I'm more important than some people, and some people are much more important than I am. I try to do my part to support the ideas that are more important than I am, just as I try to do my part to support the people with those ideas. If there are not rewards for striving, people will not strive. If everything is fair, everything will stagnate.

And so. So here we are. "My" reason for being is dead. I'll live on anyway, or I won't, or I'll turn into something else. It's all momentum anyway. Nothing changes just because it should.